Wednesday, March 19, 2008


I wrote this weeks ago and could not figure out just how to get it out of drafts and posted. I finally learned this sort of backhanded, my apologies for this writing being several weeks old. I will finish my thoughts on the many meanings of gravity on the weekend. thanks. sophad

Time and Pigs
Time and Pigs Thinking of time and pigs last night while waiting for sleep to still an overactive mind. We are convinced that one flies and utterly certain that the other will never. How, I wonder did pigs get into that position? There are so many things that are, when you give the matter some thought, considerably more immobile and unlikely to fly. There are buildings, boulders, mountains (although we give them credit for being im-movable), and, sadly, there is my dear friend Sherrie. I haven't seen her for a while as I live here in the Northwest and she was forced by circumstances to move to Boston some time ago. She has MS. She has had it for a long time, but it only recently, in the last year or so became the cruel monster it is now. She cannot fly literally in any physical sense. No running and having that feeling that you are going fast enough to leave your body behind. It has taken that inch by inch but with an unrelenting viciousness that boggles the mind. She has fought to retain the use of her legs with a will the like of which I have never met. The sad truth of life is that sometimes will and love are not enough. If they were, she would be running barefoot through green grass at this very moment.The flies of MS time took her balance, so even when her legs were strong enough, she was in danger of falling at any moment. A walker or a can will only do so much and they are a greater intrusion than help when one is moving in a home filled with stuff. Your fat friend, may have the illusion that she will catch you if you fall backwards down the stairs, but you know all there will be left are her little hands and feet in, of course, fabulous shoes, sticking out. That too!! MS robs you of the ability to wear fabulous shoes, unless you are lying down. No fun at all. Then, about the time you sort of get used to that, it decides to overrule you when you give orders to your limbs. You say to your right foot, "go that way." ----- but, noooo! MS decides to make it go someplace entirely different.To add more insult to injury, you are given medications that make you gain weight simply by breathing and you, who have always kept your body in the trim, are adding ten pounds a month. This is now not easy weight to haul around. It is sadly, still not considered justifiable homicide to strangle any medical staff who tells you that, "why no, that medication, does not put on weight. You must be eating more than you think."(hi honey...hope you are feeling sort of ok....)I have reached the age where there is always the chance that any friend I have both close and far away, is one that I might lose without notice. I have not ever really liked group functions, primarily because I cannot have the sort of conversation I want that bonds me with my friends and so I treasure the rare day having lunch in a restaurant and then looking at glass at Bedrock. Sometimes it feels that it can never be enough. And yet, I have lost often enough that one would think I would be better at it. I remain what I have been all my life -- the sort of person who stands and waves long after the car is out of sight. Thank you Allegra and Barry for the most precious afternoon and evening you gave me on Sunday. Although the time went too fast, I think we were the ones flying. sopha d. [Photo]

Monday, March 17, 2008

part 2 re gravity

A while back, when I took writing up again, a bit more seriously this time, it was not as easy as it had been when I was in my twenties. (Earlier this month I had my fifty ninth birthday) I don't bother myself too much with the why of it, but it has become my habit, to leave no word unexamined. It takes me to far more interesting places when I do that, so I plan to continue.
One of my favorite books for this purpose is an eighteen hundred's thesaurus written by a man named Mr. Crabb. I purchased this book for a dollar or so many years ago on Chukanut Drive on our way from Seattle to Bellingham. Mr. Crabb opens up a world of word usage the like of which seems all but lost to us now. We are all the poorer for it. But, at the moment, Mr. Crabb is hiding so we will have to do without him.
My first step was to look up the word gravity in my old (1948) english/german dictionary. French and German being the first languages I ever learned, looking at the German and French equivalents of words, sometimes allows me to feel my way into words in those languages. I can often do this with english as well, but why not make things richer if you can? So, what did I find out? That will be part 3. I think I am still the only one who reads this thing, right? --so I may as well take my totally exhausted body to bed. More tomorrow, I think...sopha d.

gravity has increased...

It seems that in the last few months, there is a small circle of space surrounding me, traveling with me--an invisible shell--in which the forces of gravity have increased a noticeable amount. The thought originally came to me, as, for what must have been the thirtieth time in one morning I either dropped something, or an object fell for no other apparent reason than being in my proximity! The current improvement, for which I feel immense gratitude, is that at least things are no longer falling on my head. Because I have had some difficulty with getting things to show up on the blog and remaining in my blog draft section despite my pleadings, I am going to post this in bits. So this has been part 1.