Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Thanksgiving, thanksgetting, giving thanks part 1

               
    Part 1
I will write as long as I can with my one working arm and the other not working as well.  When it gets cranky it likes to ache and go numb.  I trust that you will pardon me for stopping when I must, and allow me to finish that which I have written out by hand, to be transferred to this post.  If you do not like sequential postings, please stop reading now and wait until I do the last one, which I will label as such. 

....Sadly that was as far as I got with part one.  Pathetic actually.  So now, several weeks later, let me try again.  This material and these thought may seem outdated, but I have hope that good ideas do not lose their meaning with time.

Here is the original piece, written around the time of the Thanksgiving holiday and the few days following. 

THANKSGIVING AND GIVING THANKS

A few days ago I did not feel much like giving thanks.  I had several unpleasantries nudging themselves into my life.  I admit most of them were worse for those who were the primary bearers of the woe, yet being secondary can be rotten as well.  Several people for whom I bear great and deep affection were ill and/or dying.  My husband was ill, with a lesser illness, but a greater crabbiness.  I too was ill, with stupid symptoms including the inability to use my left hand, and possibly a more severe case of crabb-ature than my husbands.  The amount of whine I was contributing to the home was stunning and would have taken my breath away, had I had any. 

I had turned the age page to 60 in March and suddenly I felt it.  My dreaded and undiagnosed "sleeping sickness" had come back.  The result of this was the awful shrinking down of my days to a few short hours.  No matter what time I tucked my little self into bed, I could not rouse myself before noon, 2:30, 5:30!!!  Because my sleep apnea mega-machine was thought to be the cause of my left arm problem, I was not to use it for a while.  Hence the sleeing.

So, this holiday named "Thanksgiving" felt like it had nothing to do with me.


Read on please, before you judge me to be a totally self-centered, whiny, loathsome creature. 
We don't like to admit it, but at some time or another, most of us have had, or will have some such time.  People will tell you things like , "God only gives us the burden we can bear", and you will want to slug them in the face. 
  In this culture there is a strong bias against the expression of grief or sadness.  We tend to call it "moping" or "whining".
      Culturally it is simply not considered correct to refuse participation in this particular holiday/celebration, much less to express any negativity regarding any aspect of this and those that come in the following months.
                             .....end of part one.  Duty calls me to another task.  I hope to finish this later this evening.
love and peace to all beings. sopha